aah the curse of gradation

now a b is a high c , not a low d as i thought if theres one thing i hate its a credit. i have long struggled with my 'rather fail than be mediocrely crap' mentality thats why i dont participate in team sports or chess. its dumb, i know. My tutor particularly liked my annotised bibliography, which true to form i found mildly insulting. Im not competitive but i like to win, how does that work? anyway at least i wont have performance anxiety about my next one, the only way is up from here. uni god what was i thinking havent i had all these moments years ago, all my grand expectations and fits of abject acknowledgement of my innate dumbness (evidenced by that spectacularly wanky sentence) the words seem to get longer but they seem to say less.

dairy free chocolates alright aye, sat in the hippy section of uni today wondering what classes all these people go to. i dont got none of them in mine its about time i had a uni buddy. the boy that talks to me in anthrop makes me nervous cause he's a bit intelligent or at least very well versed in politics and history and assumes i know what the hell he is talking, which i dont. the cute (very proberbly gay) boy in my film class keeps wagging when im not and my whole AIS class feels a little sorry for me after my presentation effort - the girl whose presentation it was today said "oh no im doing a kelly, and not breathing" she was almost as red as me. and english is just dumb. im in such avoidance of the ten articles i printed out to read tonight.